Early rise for work, 6am. Typically, within the last four days, my rise out of bed occurred no sooner than 12:30pm; six hours is a huge difference. That alone changes the day drastically, even more so working from 7-1, because time bends at work. My breaks are scant, but I managed to go visit my good friend at work for the few minutes I had; a much needed relief from the mundane work setting to which I'm confined.
From work I headed over to my favourite family's house, which is always a good thing. It was a nice, enjoyable visit, but although nothing out of the average happened, I left in a low mood. I think it was because a significant goodbye had to happen. The first real friend I had is leaving for college, and I'm just... here; doing nothing with my life, with no clue what the future holds beyond the next week. She played such a pivotal role in my life, shaping it and putting it on this amazing course; just by inviting me over to hang out one day in June, years ago. And as big and amazing as that is, our relationship is still so... free. Our goodbye carried such little weight, showing me that nothing is changing; though the distance grows. It makes me happy that we're staying the same, yet sad because I always long for a closer friendship, although I know my role in her life is not one of an intimate friend. As I was talking to my sister tonight, I told her that although she may want a specific role, she is given the part that only her shoes can fill. I must play my part, no matter what it may be, to the utmost. I have no right to judge my Creator's casting decisions. I hope and pray that this year challenges her, and produces great growth in her relationship with our God.
That doesn't change my sadness unfortunately; I was a mess after I woke up from an emotion induced nap. Just thinking about all my friends... and how they're going to be... away. I've never been a person with a lot of friends, I tend to (ever since my first friend came along) be very social and nice to everyone, but only really close to a handful of people. I think what makes it hard now, is that all my friends departing, have been mine for a while. With so many gone, I don't really know what to do... my mind blanks when it comes to finding new friends. That is one thing, if any, I have never been an adept at. Thank God though, I still have a few with me. One is leaving, but not for a few weeks yet. I still have people to talk with, people who love me, it's merely a drastically reduced number.
God will provide, He always has. I need to trust His judgement, and come closer to Him, so that I may hear His Spirit all the clearer.
James 1:2-5 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of you faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."
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